Never the Twain

1. Families At War

Sep 7, 1981

The feuding fathers find out about the relationship between their son and daughter and consider taking steps to prevent a marriage.

2. Of Meissen Men

Sep 14, 1981

Veronica appears on the scene - causing Simon and Oliver to compete for more than antiquities.

3. A Night At The Opera

Sep 21, 1981

Veronica wants to go to the opera in Edinburgh. Simon and Oliver each compete to be her date. Simon has to find a replacement au pair.

4. A Matched Pair

Sep 28, 1981

Oliver's antiques shop is burgled. A pair of pistols is reported missing, but when these mysteriously turn up in Simon's shop Oliver turns this misfortune into an opportunity to make money from an insurance claim. Simon is arrested when a police officer spots the pistols in his shop window. To encourage Oliver to assist him in getting the charges dropped he agrees to help Oliver get membership at his golf club.

5. Nothing But The Truth

Oct 5, 1981

Oliver beats Simon to a painting they both want. But is it a Constable or not? David confesses propositioning another woman, jeopardising their engagement.

6. Father Of The Groom

Oct 19, 1981

Simon holds a dinner for Oliver, Lyn and David, his ulterior motive being to expose Oliver's lack of etiquette. Lyn prepares for her move into Simon and David's home. David and Lyn's wedding day arrives.

1. Who's Been Sleeping In My Bed ?

Sep 7, 1982

Simon nominates Oliver for membership of his golf club. Oliver holds a function for the committee members to win their support. Lyn and David are on their honeymoon and return to find Oliver and Simon quarrelling over their wedding presents.

2. As Young As You Feel

Sep 14, 1982

Simon and Oliver seek to win Veronica's affections. Oliver reaches the age of 50. Lyn is concerned about her father being lonely, but David is concerned about the amount of time she spends with him.

3. A Woman's Place ...

Sep 21, 1982

David and Lyn quarrel about her taking a full-time job. Oliver seeks a new cleaner. Simon is losing to Oliver in a telephone chess game and becomes suspicious about Oliver's apparent skill at the game.

4. Blood Brothers

Sep 28, 1982

Simon needs a blood transfusion, but he has a rare blood type. Oliver has the same blood type and agrees to donate in return for favours from Simon, including dating Veronica.

5. lf You Knew Susan

Oct 5, 1982

Simon's sister visits him and Oliver immediately falls for her. Simon and Oliver each purchase one of a pair of figurines and then attempt to purchase the others to make a valuable pair.

6. The More We Are Together

Oct 12, 1982

Oliver and Simon each separately consider reforming their partnership due to the poor state of their accounts and the imminent arrival of the taxman.

1. Taking Stock

Oct 10, 1983

Oliver and Simon have re-entered their partnership. They decide to do a stocktake. Oliver meets up with an old school friend, Bethan. Confusion ensues over a fake watch and a "pair" of candlesticks.

2. Partners

Oct 17, 1983

Simon receives an offer for his shop. Oliver thinks that Ringo has won the pools and breaks his partnership with Simon, offering Ringo a partnership. However, thinks are not what they seem for either man.

3. A Nose For Quality

Oct 24, 1983

Both Simon and Oliver believe that they have appointments to meet Lady Deveraux with a view to purchasing some of her antiques.

4. The End Of The Line

Oct 31, 1983

Oliver and Simon discuss the issue of grandchildren. David claims to have had a vasectomy. Oliver and Simon join a dating agency as an alternative route to continuing their family lines.

5. The Welsh Connection

Nov 7, 1983

Simon and Oliver go on a health kick. An auction in Wales causes disagreement between the two men.

6. Not On The Same Wavelength

Nov 14, 1983

Simon and Oliver are invited as guests onto a radio show. The two men become convinced that Lyn is pregnant.

1. A Home of Your Own

Nov 8, 1984

David and Lyn have moved to Canada. Simon needs to find someone to rent his flat quickly before his Aunt Eleanor moves in.

2. The Royal Connection

Nov 15, 1984

Oliver attempts to gain the Royal Warrant for his shop from the Prince of Wales. Simon investigates his family tree in the hope of finding that he has blue blood.

3. Words and Music

Nov 22, 1984

Oliver and Simon volunteer to perform at a Vet Circle luncheon for Caroline.

4. No Flame Like An Old Flame

Nov 29, 1984

Simon's life becomes complicated when an old sweetheart pays him an unexpected visit.

5. Love's Neighbours' Lost

Dec 6, 1984

Oliver and Simon duel over a woman, Caroline. But they find that there is another man vying for her affections.

6. Come Fly with Me!

Dec 13, 1984

Following a recent spate of shop burglaries Simon installs a state of the art alarm system but when he forgets his passport breaks into the shop and sets it off, leading to his and Oliver's arrest.

1. In Whom We Tryst

Jan 8, 1986

Peel and Smallbridge become attracted to the same shop assistant.

2. Going, Going, Gone!

Jan 15, 1986

Peel and Smallbridge have to share a room in a country pub.

3. Thicker Than Water

Jan 22, 1986

Simon reveals that he was left at an orphanage as a baby.

4. Kung Who?

Jan 29, 1986

Simon takes up judo to defend himself against likely muggers and invites Oliver to accompany him to his class at the gym.

5. Reading Between the Lines

Feb 5, 1986

Simon is aghast to learn that oily solicitor Brimley, with whom he was at school, is handling the property next to the antique shops and plans to sell it to a fast food chain in return for an expensive car.

6. Definitely Not Cricket!

Feb 12, 1986

Lady Devereaux offers Simon some sporting memorabilia at knock-down prices provided he captains her staff cricket team against the rival side led by parvenu bookie Bernie Miller.

1. Feed A Cold

Jan 15, 1987

Simon has a cold and Oliver offers to look after him.

2. Going to Pot

Jan 22, 1987

Ringo decides to get some culture. After meeting one of his teachers, Simon and Oliver are pleased to accept his invitation to dinner and Simon makes a discovery in the kitchen cupboard.

3. Love ls A Many Splendoured Thing

Jan 29, 1987

Oliver has fallen in love, however trouble arises after he meets his future mother-in-law.

4. A Night to Remember

Feb 5, 1987

Burglars are in the neighbourhood, leading to an eventful night for the two households.

5. The Battle of Deveraux Dale

Feb 12, 1987

Lady Deveraux asks Simon and Oliver to take part in a historical re-enactment of a Civil War battle, the battle of Deveraux Dale, at the village fete. On the opposing side is the bookie, Bernie Miller, who has a score to settle.

6. Affair of the Heart

Feb 19, 1987

Simon's ex-wife Stephanie arrives unexpectedly.

1. Settled Out of Court

Jan 27, 1988

A legal dispute arises between the two antique dealers following an incident in Oliver's shop.

2. The Wagers of Sin

Feb 3, 1988

Oliver and Simon decide to have a wager on who can make the most profit on an item chosen by the other.

3. Betrothed, Bothered and Bewildered

Feb 10, 1988

After a boozy night out, Banks remembers that he has proposed to Mrs Sadler. However, neither wants to go through with it, although they don't know that.

4. The Second Time Around

Feb 17, 1988

Mrs Sadler is missing Banks. Fortunately, there is a happy ending for both of them.

5. Born to Blush Unseen

Feb 24, 1988

Gardening Time. Oliver has something to show from his gardening efforts.

6. Fasten Your Seat Belts

Mar 2, 1988

Simon & Oliver get severely drunk on Simon's birthday, and decide to visit their children in Canada.

1. Grandfathers-In-Law

Oct 24, 1988

Lyn and David, with their baby Martin, return from Canada, causing great excitement to Simon and Oliver. However, the grandfathers have to learn to cope with the baby more than they had anticipated.

2. Nursery Times

Oct 31, 1988

Lyn and David are looking for a flat while staying at Simon's house. But Oliver would like them to stay with him too.

3. Whose Baby?

Nov 7, 1988

The christening is scheduled and Stephanie, Simon's ex, is invited, causing anxiety for both Simon and Oliver.

4. Never Say Die

Nov 14, 1988

Simon has to go into hospital but confusion arises.

5. Moving On

Nov 21, 1988

The house-hunting by Lyn and David reaches a conclusion. It causes Simon and Oliver to think about their own situation.

6. It's A Long Way To Friern Barnet

Nov 28, 1988

Lyn and David move to their new flat. Oliver and Simon decide to help them by redecorating the flat.

1. Just the Ticket

Sep 6, 1989

A series of mishaps contribute to a difficult day for Simon and, especially, Oliver.

2. A Point of Honour

Sep 13, 1989

Simon advertises for an assistant for his shop but runs into trouble after interviewing one applicant.

3. A New Lease of Life

Sep 20, 1989

Simon is feeling melancholic and decides to make a big change to his life.

4. Aspects of Love

Sep 27, 1989

Simon arouses Oliver's suspicions and, in turn, Oliver is the subject of a rumour. These lead to gossip in the village.

5. Neighbours

Oct 4, 1989

Simon holds a meeting of the Residents' Association. There is a new resident who is about to move in and this leads to a sleepless night for both Simon and Oliver.

6. Bonjour Paris!

Oct 11, 1989

Off to Paris but soon they are in trouble at the restaurant and with the police, also causing a lot of trouble to an embassy official.

7. A Winter's Tale

Dec 28, 1989

Christmas time. Simon and Oliver volunteer to keep watch overnight in the local church.

1. X Marks the Spot

Sep 5, 1990

Oliver and Simon both decide to stand for election to the local Council.

2. S.W.A.L.K.

Sep 12, 1990

Simon has a female pen-pal who he is looking forward to meeting, with a view to marriage. However, the reality is different.

3. Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?

Sep 19, 1990

Both Oliver and Simon are doing the pools and hope to win big. After Oliver makes a mistake, Simon takes the opportunity to have some fun.

4. Happy Holiday

Sep 26, 1990

A weekend away for Simon and Oliver in Ringo's mother's country cottage. Trouble is that it's the wrong weekend.

5. There But for the Grace of God

Oct 3, 1990

Simon comes across an old acquaintance who is down on their luck.

6. A Car By Any Other Name

Oct 10, 1990

The vicar wants to sell his car and gets Simon to help, while Oliver is also selling his car. A confusing time is the result.

6. The First of the Queue

Oct 9, 1991

Oliver tells Simon about a bargain in a shop, which leads to extraordinary efforts by the two to be first in the queue to buy it. Guest starring Diana Mahoney, real-life wife of Donald Sinden.